Dating minus monogamy
Monogamy is really a sexist word, but it rolls off the tongue a bit easier than “monoandry,” so we’ll stick with it. It’s an ideal many of us aspire to, yet despite all the religious commandments and alimony payments dissuading us from having multiple sexual partners, yet we end up doing it anyway. Having multiple partners carries a stigma - you’re a slut, you’re a cheater, you’re dirty, and so on. Sure, there are some people who do not care whose emotions they screw with, and some who don’t care what diseases they spread. I’m not here to talk about them. They key word in any sexual activity is “consent.” It’s what separates love from violence, and cheating from enjoying an open relationship.
I’m not currently seeking monogamy. I’m 24 and have no plans on starting a family right now, so why limit myself? The past few people I’ve dated and my past couple relationships have all had either other partners or a desire for openness. Before entering into anything, we both have made sure we understand that our interest in each other is unaffected by any outside sexual encounters, and what (or who) we do when we’re not together has no effect on our interest in each other when we are together. With both of us consenting, it’s not cheating and it’s not hurtful. I want anyone I’m dating to enjoy their time, and not to worry whether I’d approve of it or not. Neither me nor my partners want to feel tied down, unless you mean that in a literal sense.
Open relationships are nice, but you’re probably thinking I want to have my cake and eat it too. There are downsides. None of these relationships have been the kind where I could live with my partner or see her every day. I’m not yet sure I could be that close to someone and still be able to leave the relationship open. It’s hard to get real close to someone under these arrangements, and that wears on me at times. Jealously occasionally makes an appearance. The other day, a partner (who has a husband and a girlfriend of her own) seemed a little surprised to hear that I had other sexual encounters (we talked about it for a minute and are fine). But, one relationship ended very abruptly when my girlfriend’s boyfriend became worried that I was the fun one. I was cut off without even a goodbye from her.
But, since I’m not about to settle down and buy a house with a white picket fence, the alternative would be dating nobody and waiting around for “the one.” I think this way is just a little more fun!
