What’s this whole bondage thing anyway?
My sexuality is part of the reason I express my gender the way I do, yet I keep glossing over the topic every time it sneaks into my entries. Yes, I still like girls, so I’m trans and lesbian if you want some labels. Just as important as the gender of my partners is what we’re into - BDSM, which might be more commonly referred to as S&M. Here’s the short explanation of what this is: The term “BDSM” is an amalgam of Bondage/Discipline (tying people up), Dominance/Submission (power exchange), and Sadism/Masochism (pain or other unusual sensations). There’s plenty of definitions and Wikipedia entries out there, but those are so impersonal! My primary kink is bondage, but there’s a lot more under the BDSM umbrella that I enjoy.
Ever since I was a small child, I had a strange fascination with being tied up. I can thank numerous cartoon villains and their damsels in distress for this, but why it turned into a fetish is a bit more mysterious. Anyway, if there’s one thing I have a fetish (defined here as “something not innately sexual that turns you on”) for, it’s bondage, specifically rope bondage. I’m a switch, so I enjoy both the top and bottom. I like tying up my partner and being tied up, and seek partners that are just as into bondage as I am. While you’d think that’d really shrink my dating pool, it actually gives me another niche. There aren’t very many people out there that are actually good at tying someone up, and even fewer that so readily switch roles.
I don’t see bondage as something sadistic, though I’m guessing the average person probably wouldn’t enjoy being tied up and unable to move or escape. On the contrary, I see it as something very sensual - I’ve even had partners tell me they feel safe when I tie them up. It’s not so outlandish - giving complete physical control to a partner you trust can be quite comforting. With my partner in my control, I can give her any sensation I wish, from the pleasure of a vibrator to the sting of a riding crop to something exotic like electricity or ice. When you enjoy being tied up, all these sensations are heightened by your inability to move or avoid them. Of course, before a bondage scene, we both will have discussed what’s consensual and what’s not - the last thing I want to do to a bound partner is something she really doesn’t want done to her. As far as consensual sadism goes, the meanest thing I’ve ever done to someone doesn’t hurt at all. Tease your partner sexually, maybe with a vibrator, then take it away just as she’s really starting to enjoy it. Oh, she’ll be mad alright, but that’s why you tie her up first!
