Wait, why do you do that if you’re not into men?
I had originally introduced myself to my neighbor as a male, and recently ended up re-introducing myself to her as a female. She was a little disappointed because she thought I was attractive as a male, but neither of us were uncomfortable or anything, and conversation went back to normal. However, she was a bit confused about why I’m going through so much trouble to become a girl if I have no interest in attracting boys. I don’t dress butch at all, and wearing a skirt out to a party is bound to attract a lot more male attention than female attention. Well, I at one point tried to take advantage of this.
I had a bi-curious phase where I played around with guys and even dated a guy for about a month. Once the novelty of it wore off, it hit a wall. The BDSM play was fun, but I wasn’t simply interested in physical or sexual intimacy with him. The logical conclusion was that I’m only into girls, with birth gender not making a difference. I will say that very few MtFs are physically attractive and feminine enough to interest me.
So, I’m left going out dressed femme and in search of a femme pseudo-lesbian partner. I guess it’s a niche, because there are counterparts out there for me. I met a wonderful girl the other night who described it to me along these lines. “The genders in the middle are the best ones. I enjoy looking at women and enjoy the company of a feminine lover, but something in me still really wants a male body.” I like being one of the genders in the middle, even if much of the world doesn’t want me to be there. I just wonder, that if I did “finish” my transition, if I’d lose my place in that little gender-bending niche and end up just another girl, much like I used to be just another boy.
-Erin
