Sex Life after Orgasm: Intimate Sex for Intimate Couples

Communication & Intimacy After Sex

What’s the great modern tradition after sex? A) a cigarette, B) lights out, nightie-night, C) I wonder who’s on Letterman? or D) a nice intimate chat between lovers still holding each other tenderly. If you said A, newsflash, Sinatra is dead, cigarettes are so yesterday. If you said B, just one question: how’s that going for you? If you said C, same question. And if you said D, welcome to a great opportunity to take your healthy relationship forward. Because those moments after sex, preferably with both parties having experienced an orgasm, are for many the most intimate and vulnerable, and there’s no better time or place to communicate your feelings. Wars are settled here, forgiveness flourishes, commitments are renewed, and memories become equity in the future. And who knows, all this warm fuzzy stuff might end up in another round of good old fashioned sex without all the requisite foreplay.

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Fun Facts

During orgasm the chemical oxytocin (the cuddle-hormone)is released in the brain heightening emotional response with a calming affect on the body.

Did you know?

Only 22% of couples communicate their needs and desires sexually to their partner,after intimate sex or orgasm try talking .

After sex you, A) would love to have another go at it, but your partner never seems interested, B) aren’t interested, that was then and this is now, and I’m tired, C) are afraid to consider it because the mind is willing but the flesh is weak, and D) keep the passion alive through intimate conversation and gentle affection, until that gives way to something more urgent. If you said A, you may be surprised at what your partner really wants from you after sex, and if you don’t know, you’re missing an opportunity to take your relationship to places it’s never been before. If you said B, that yellow flag waving in your partner’s eyes is a warning that the passion is beginning to wither in your relationship, but the fact that you’re here at all means there’s still time to resurrect the sexy beast in you. If you said C, then talking about it is the only real course of productive action, because what you need is reassurance that whatever happens will be okay, that your partner will be there for you and give you the ways-and-means to get the job done. And if you said D, welcome to the land of the multiple-orgasmic and intimate sex where the bond between lovers becomes so powerful that it can better withstand the pressures of daily life that would otherwise consume its core.

Intimate Sex: The Second Time Around

Make no mistake, though, the second round of sex in an evening, provided you haven’t squeezed in a movie and a pizza between sessions, is a different proposition than the first. The chemistry of the human male has a tendency to react more slowly – a polite way of saying the guy might need a whole lot of help to get there – while in recovery mode, and the woman might need to help things along with a little sensual pro-activity in a way that wasn’t required while you were tearing each other’s clothes off. Sometimes the strategic use of words helps here, saying just the right things in just the right way, pushing those hot little buttons he likes, delving deeper into the shadows of intimate secrets that always make him forget the box score and the Dow Jones average, even Letterman, for at least for a few minutes.

Some women find it even more harrowing to respond during round two. They can certainly participate in a second jog around the carnal block, but to really get into it and summon the next great bone-shivering orgasm, a woman’s partner might need to summon a whole new bag of tricks compared to the relative ease of the first coming. All of this is best explored through conversation – think of it as a dry run – so that negotiation and trial and error aren’t required once one or both of you hit the restart button, and when there will be nothing dry about it.

Sexual Intimacy: The Post-Coital Barometer of Relationship Health

In those moments right after orgasm, you can run – meaning, you can turn over and go to sleep – but you can’t hide. Test the water… is it chilly or warm? Placid, or is there an undercurrent of passion? Is there a sense of obligation and rushing, or a sense of peace and timelessness? The results of this audit can be as wondrous as the orgasm that preceded it. And if you want one or the other to endure, both sides of this coin need a regular and loving caress.